Hairball Legal LLP

Tag: law

  • Settling Out of Court and Onto the Radiator

    Settling Out of Court and Onto the Radiator

    A reader wrote in this week with a question that deserves a serious answer, so here is an unserious one.

    Our standard approach involves a retainer paid in treats, followed by an objection sustained by loud meowing, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    Our team did a careful study. By study we mean someone knocked it off the table to see what would happen.

    If you take only one thing from this, take this: a verdict reached at three in the morning is not a bug. It is the product.

    Thank you for reading, and please do not leave anything on the edge of a surface. You know why.

  • Motion to Dismiss the Vacuum

    Motion to Dismiss the Vacuum

    We have been doing this for what feels like nine lives, and we are still not sure who is in charge.

    Experts agree that billing in sixty minute increments of staring is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    Our standard approach involves billing in sixty minute increments of staring, followed by a retainer paid in treats, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.

    Naturally there was a committee. Naturally the committee was a pile of boxes, and naturally one box was occupied.

    In summary: act confidently, deny everything, and always keep a clear route to the nearest box.

  • Habeas Corpus and the Closed Door Problem

    Habeas Corpus and the Closed Door Problem

    A reader wrote in this week with a question that deserves a serious answer, so here is an unserious one.

    The old guard prefers a retainer paid in treats. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    If you take only one thing from this, take this: an objection sustained by loud meowing is not a bug. It is the product.

    Naturally there was a committee. Naturally the committee was a pile of boxes, and naturally one box was occupied.

    If you have questions, our office hours are three to four in the morning, or whenever we feel like it.