Hairball Legal LLP

Category: Contracts

  • Motion to Dismiss the Vacuum

    Motion to Dismiss the Vacuum

    We have been doing this for what feels like nine lives, and we are still not sure who is in charge.

    Experts agree that billing in sixty minute increments of staring is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    Our standard approach involves billing in sixty minute increments of staring, followed by a retainer paid in treats, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.

    Naturally there was a committee. Naturally the committee was a pile of boxes, and naturally one box was occupied.

    In summary: act confidently, deny everything, and always keep a clear route to the nearest box.

  • Liability When the Plant Was Already Dead

    Liability When the Plant Was Already Dead

    Nobody tells you this when you start out, but the real work begins around a verdict reached at three in the morning.

    Naturally there was a committee. Naturally the committee was a pile of boxes, and naturally one box was occupied.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    Our standard approach involves an objection sustained by loud meowing, followed by billing in sixty minute increments of staring, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.

    The old guard prefers a verdict reached at three in the morning. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.

    Thank you for reading, and please do not leave anything on the edge of a surface. You know why.

  • Cross Examining the Defendant Under the Couch

    Cross Examining the Defendant Under the Couch

    Nobody tells you this when you start out, but the real work begins around an objection sustained by loud meowing.

    If you take only one thing from this, take this: a retainer paid in treats is not a bug. It is the product.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    We asked a customer for feedback. They looked at us, blinked slowly, and left a single hair on the form.

    Naturally there was a committee. Naturally the committee was a pile of boxes, and naturally one box was occupied.

    That is all for now. We are told there is a sunbeam going to waste, and a professional never lets that happen.